Family Roles- The Disappearing Child

A second role that is typical for a child to take on in an addicted/dysfunctional family is that of the disappearing child- sometimes called the lost child. He or she is very different from the super enabler, who works out ways to be more involved in the family, and to control the goings on. The lost child tries to escape completely- and often meets with some success.

There is a lot of chaos in addicted families, yelling, screaming, throwing of things, and often even downright physical danger. It is only natural therefore that a child would find solace in his or her escape. He or she may tend to retreat out of the danger zone into a world of his or her own. This may be a mental retreat- as in being there but not there, and lost in his or her mind. It may also be a physical retreat, as the child finds places where he or she can be alone on a regular basis, and even hide out until the storm passes. Oftentimes this child is unseen and unnoticed by the rest of the family as they go about their own various roles and escapades.

The disappearing child, often can be of great concern. He or she is not acting out anger or pain or fear, and one is not even aware that these emotions are present inside of her. But under the calm, and deep in his or her heart, there is usually a storm in the making.

And from this brewing storm hidden from our eyes, someday may come the completely unexpected- such as suicide note or an act of unforeseen violence.
And the family is left with the bewildered comment "But she was always so quiet."

Depending on the severity of the situation, the lost child will also usually have trouble integrating into social systems. He will feel himself to be a loner, and may have trouble making friends or finding a mate because of this.

Stay tuned for the next role in the family disease of addiction.