The Scapegoat family role is the last one to speak about in addicted or addicted-like families. (And remember that many families can show up in a similar way as addicted ones for a variety of reasons- one of the most insidious being that we hand down our ways of being for generations through modelling and teaching.)
So the scapegoat, similar to what laymen call the black sheep, is the child who takes on the role of being the one to act-out, rebel, or otherwise deflect attention from the family problem. This is an inherently dangerous role- with a potential lifetime of repercussions.
For me I can see that I played this role in junior high school and high school. I can remember the incident that had me switch from my mascot role- being the good, talented and smart one- to my scapegoat role. I was being beat up once again in my school. I only had my own head to confer with. So I then decided I needed to turn the tables. I began to be the tough one and the one people needed to step around me. I began fighting, stealing, swearing, drinking and drugging, and I carefully cultivated a tough persona. I also began to talk back and argue with my mother. Though I did not continue this path forever- I did live for many years with the guilt I accumulated for my actions. It was entirely against my nature- and I was at least 35 years old before I began to forgive myself.
Many scapegoats will live an entire lifetime of being the bad one- unable to take or keep a job, unable to be healthy in relationships, fighting, arguing, and revolting their way through life.
That's all I will say about scapegoats for now- as I want to open this up for you. I want you to tell me in the comments what you are getting out of your readings. What do you not understand? What do you want me to help you clarify? What do you identify with? What more would you like me to speak or write about? This is your blog as much as it is mine, so tell me what you need or want.
I will try to ask you this same question with some regularity as we go forward from here, so that we begin to have a dialogue interspersed into this blog.
Friday, June 27, 2008
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1 comments:
So i am only 14 now, still living in a dysfunctional family. Everything has been getting worse as time goes on, my dad now smokes pot and drinks, and my mom is playing the role of the enabler. I am the eldest, having only a younger brother 4 years younger than me. what i have found is that i am playing the role of both the hero and scapegoat in a way. I am like a parent to my younger brother, and try to protect him in any way possible, especially from my parents. However, i am a “problem child,” having been arrested, smoking pot i stole from my dad, drinking, and just being a bad person in general. I do not let almost anyone know about this however, especially my brother and family. My younger brother seems to play the role of both hero and mascot, being the perfect model child, and trying to cheer up the family. However i think that some of his cheery diversion is simply optomism because he has little idea of the seriousness of the situation, or of the drug usage of my dad. I used to be totally hero, but i have turned more scapegoat in the past few years. It is all getting worse and i have become more depressed and i think i am losing control. Only a couple of my friends have any idea of the situation, and it feels like i am imploding from all the pressure of having to be a “parent,” and yet keep everyone else in the dark about what is going on.
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