The Steps to Sanity- The Landmark Forum

I'm going to be totally honest and candid today and talk about what my life has been like for the last year or so, and in so doing talk about The Landmark Forum and Landmark Education. This will also make clear why my writings have been so sporadic, as I am being pulled in many directions. And though I have committed to write with more regularity, I apologize as I do not always do it.

I'd first like to say that when I took The Landmark Forum about 8 years ago it was after several years of Alanon, Coda, Overeaters Anonymous, and Therapy. Still I was a shadow of the person you know me to be. I was alone, frightened, lost, helpless and desperate. And I was facing the fact that my marriage to the only man I had ever loved was probably not going to survive his alcoholism. How I would ever become 'the one' to raise my children alone, I did not know. And the the most I knew of myself was how to be a victim.

I took the Landmark Forum and have taken course after course ever since. I have been creating and recreating my very self, until you see me who I am today- confident, capable, and able to do whatever needs to be done and say whatever needs to be said to get the job done.

That said, this last year was a huge year of trials and tribulations- and an even bigger one of growth. I came smack up against devastating financial circumstances, trying and trying to create the funds to support myself and my children. Failing again and again until I saw myself down to my last $30 on the planet.

I was taking two course at Landmark- First The Partnership Course, which was across the country in California, and then The Introduction Leader's Program. I fancied I would be an Introduction Leader for Landmark Education and again I faced failure because...how do you create power for others when you don't even have the money for gas to get to the classes.

What I was most up against during this time were the negative voices in my head. Over and over they would tell me of my failure, and all of the places that I was lacking. Over and over I would go to a class or call a friend in the course and create myself as something quite different. And I would move forward. For Landmark is all about creating what is possible- even if every circumstance in your life would say it is not. It is about having a life you love, in the face of no agreement at all.

At one point I created being powerful. The voices in my head balked- but I used Landmark's technology to quiet them. I knew God wanted me to begin this new addiction awareness business and to get to California for professional help. Through Landmark, I ignored the voices telling me I was inept and raised $11,000 to get there. This business- this blog and all of my blogs and the speaking and radio show soon to come-arose from that trip. So did possibilities for all the people this will help- new possibilities for their lives.

At one point I created being humble. Inside of being humble I did something I had never done before. I began to reach out to others for help. If there is one thing I learned this year, it is that I am loved beyond measure. I also learned of the greatness of other people. I learned how amazing the people in my life are- that my family and friends are generous and giving, and true heroes.

Inside of being humble I took a job in a diner. I have to laugh because it was the most dysfunctional place I had ever encountered. In that place I learned that I had grown to a place where other people's sickness did not affect my own sense of self. For this knowledge alone, the horrific experience was worth it. Every day I used Landmark's technology to create how I could go into this job which would have created fear, suppression, and misery- with power, confidence, and joy.

Inside of being humble I borrowed money from my own children. Inside of Landmark, I did not disempower myself with conversations , ever-ready in my head, about how low I had fallen. Instead I took on that we were all heroes, working together for each other's greater good.

Every step of the way this year I found myself living in joy, peace and happiness. This was not necessarily natural for me, and I might have easily lived in fear, worry, and despair. But I was able to find the power that Eckart Tolle speaks of in "The Power of Now." When I had a dollar to my name, that was enough for right now. Somehow, living this way, creating my happiness, God intervened and saw that we were always taken care of- in the moment of now. All of this I created through my work at Landmark Education.

Now there were other things I did- things I can't diminish like prayer, meditation, hypnotherapy tapes, etc.. And all of these were important. But when I really wanted to take life on and create a miracle- I went to the technology of Landmark.

And it was through Landmark that I saw what had been driving me in not getting a workable job. I saw that deep down I wanted to do it my way. I saw that my way was the best way and my ego was flush up in my face. I saw even deeper that I was afraid of a full time job away from my kids- who suffered for the loss of their dad in their lives already. I saw that I looked down on some jobs. While calling myself open-minded and non-judgemental, I was really a snob. I saw at the deepest level that there was an old conversation that 'I was not good enough, and nobody wanted me'-and that 12 year old conversation was running my life. Now these were all things that I had been blind to- that I did not see or recognize in the moment as I lived my life. And that is what landmark does that is so powerful. It uncovers the blindspots that run you as a person so you can change direction and move forward.

I am still sorting this out in my life. But the door is swinging open to money as I have created being wanted, sought-after, and wise. Because mostly I learned this year that who I am, my value and worth, are not dependent upon where I live, or what I do, or how much money I have. I am good and beautiful, no matter what. And finally in that matter I am not just talking the talk, but walking the walk.

So what I can now truthfully say of the past year is "Thank you God...and it's time to move on."

And for all of you, what I will say is that I want you to take the The Landmark Forum. And I want you to email me. If I can, I will come to your graduation. If not, I will be there in spirit, you can be sure.

If you are new to this blog, you should read some of my earlier entries such as "Why I Write", "Do I love an addict? " part 1 and part 2, and "When I first learned I loved an addict"- as well as many of the other entries that you can pick and choose.