I met a woman yesterday and she lamented the fact that her husband had loved the bottle more than he loved her. She didn't understand why he would leave her so seemingly easily, without even a look back. All the while professing that he loved her.
I meet so many people who have loved addicted people. Mostly their loved ones are alcoholic- as alcohol is our nation's primary drug of choice. And to a person, these people feel betrayed, baffled and confused.
If you go to an AA meeting, they will talk about this phenomena called "loving the bottle." I have to disagree a bit with the term. At best to me it seems to be a love/hate relationship. It is love in the beginning, but it quickly turns to love/hate as the booze gets a hold of the person and it takes over his or her life. Self disgust sets in and the alcoholic hates himself most of all. After a while, love fades away as the alcoholic turns to the bottle not to feel good- but to keep from feeling horrible.
I hope I gave the woman some freedom when I told her this...
An alcoholic has changed the very composition of many of the cells in his body. The cells have reformed themselves to accept alcohol. Those cells go into a sort of shock (The DTs) if they don't get their drug. In addition, he or she has grown new receptor sites in the brain that crave the alcohol. Those receptors become very anxious if they don't get their drug. In a myriad of other ways, the drug has messed with the human's body to such an extent that it has created what might be seen as another 'basic instinct.' Now we have human beings walking around who feel on a physiological level that they need the drug to survive, but like they need food and water. This is true, in one form or another, for not only for alcohol- but for all addictive substances and processes. (Yes, friends. Things like gambling, whereby you cause your body to produce its own drug, are included. You become physiologically addicted to the drug that you cause your body to mass produce. Then you have to gamble more to produce even more.)
And so we can say that Alcoholics can't not drink. And addicts can't not have their drug.
I will leave you with the story of Cocaine and Rhesus monkeys. http://www.peele.net/lib/cocaine.html These monkeys were given levers for biological drives- food, water, sex. When they pushed the lever they got the food, water, or access to their mates. There was also a lever for Cocaine. In the beginning the monkeys would push all of the levers. Soon they began to weed out the less important ones. They weeded out sex. They weeded out food. They weeded out water. Soon on an all cocaine diet, they died. A clear example of a 'created' biological drive that is even stronger than the original ones.
"It's not nice to fool (with) Mother Nature," as the Chiffon lady might say.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Laughing at "Tipsy"- Are We All Crazy?
If you are a somewhat intelligent adult, you know that people on alcohol and drugs are impacting their brain functions. It seems pretty self explanatory, doesn't it? And it is not something that needs to be explored...
Or does it? Well let's take a look at that.
First it's important to note that the chemical composition of alcohol is nearly identical to that of ether. So try to visualize someone who has had a few too many drinks. Picture him instead on the operating table. Someone has put the mask on his face, but it was removed before the full impact. He is babbling and muttering. Now picture that same person getting off the table. He picks up the scalpel nearby and is brandishing it about. He throws it at the clock on the wall, thinking he is playing darts. As 'ether man' wobbles around the room, picking up miscellaneous surgery tools, the doctors are resting their elbows on the operating table, chatting warmly with a cup of coffee. They notice him stumble by and the surgeon says "Look at him. He's really tipsy today." The anesthesiologist laughs and quips, "He'll have a rough day tomorrow."
Now picture yourself in a bar, and consider that your drunk friend is 'ether man' and you are the surgeon/ anesthesiologist.
Now go back to the hospital. 'Ether man's' girlfriend comes into the operating room to see how he is doing. 'Ether man' falls to his knees in a swoon of love and proposes to her, using the paper towels nearby for a bouquet roses. She bursts into happy tears and the hospital staff all smile.
Meanwhile, back at the bar, there is a beautiful girl, smiling and giggling with her friends, deciding where to go on the honeymoon, and you are all clapping your drunk friend on the back.
In the operating room, 'ether man' suddenly turns on a dime and begins screaming obscenities at the fawning and happy bride-to-be. Meanwhile, back at the bar, bride-to-be bursts into a flood of tears, and scrambles to the ladies room quite sure that this is the end of all of her hopes and dreams.
It seems like a joke, but this is how we live our lives. We laugh at people who are drunk or high, smile when they are in that cute 'tipsy' phase, and take the words that they say to heart. We often say that their 'true feelings' come out when they are drunk. Some of us even carry around the drunken words that were said to us at the age of 10 for the rest of our lives.
Sadly ridiculous, is it not?
We may 'know' that alcohol and drugs impair the brain- but we don't really 'get' the concept. We have 'ether men' wandering around our lives, unescorted and unnoticed, all the time. And we are not aware of the very real and present danger. Back in the surgery room, we would all be fired and the hospital license would be revoked. But at the bar or house party, the same thing is perfectly sane.
Lauging at "Tipsy"- Are We All Crazy?
Or does it? Well let's take a look at that.
First it's important to note that the chemical composition of alcohol is nearly identical to that of ether. So try to visualize someone who has had a few too many drinks. Picture him instead on the operating table. Someone has put the mask on his face, but it was removed before the full impact. He is babbling and muttering. Now picture that same person getting off the table. He picks up the scalpel nearby and is brandishing it about. He throws it at the clock on the wall, thinking he is playing darts. As 'ether man' wobbles around the room, picking up miscellaneous surgery tools, the doctors are resting their elbows on the operating table, chatting warmly with a cup of coffee. They notice him stumble by and the surgeon says "Look at him. He's really tipsy today." The anesthesiologist laughs and quips, "He'll have a rough day tomorrow."
Now picture yourself in a bar, and consider that your drunk friend is 'ether man' and you are the surgeon/ anesthesiologist.
Now go back to the hospital. 'Ether man's' girlfriend comes into the operating room to see how he is doing. 'Ether man' falls to his knees in a swoon of love and proposes to her, using the paper towels nearby for a bouquet roses. She bursts into happy tears and the hospital staff all smile.
Meanwhile, back at the bar, there is a beautiful girl, smiling and giggling with her friends, deciding where to go on the honeymoon, and you are all clapping your drunk friend on the back.
In the operating room, 'ether man' suddenly turns on a dime and begins screaming obscenities at the fawning and happy bride-to-be. Meanwhile, back at the bar, bride-to-be bursts into a flood of tears, and scrambles to the ladies room quite sure that this is the end of all of her hopes and dreams.
It seems like a joke, but this is how we live our lives. We laugh at people who are drunk or high, smile when they are in that cute 'tipsy' phase, and take the words that they say to heart. We often say that their 'true feelings' come out when they are drunk. Some of us even carry around the drunken words that were said to us at the age of 10 for the rest of our lives.
Sadly ridiculous, is it not?
We may 'know' that alcohol and drugs impair the brain- but we don't really 'get' the concept. We have 'ether men' wandering around our lives, unescorted and unnoticed, all the time. And we are not aware of the very real and present danger. Back in the surgery room, we would all be fired and the hospital license would be revoked. But at the bar or house party, the same thing is perfectly sane.
Lauging at "Tipsy"- Are We All Crazy?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Adults, If You Want to Impact Your Children- Look at Yourselves
Today I had the privilege of working with a group of youths in a way that I hope will impact them in their future lives around drugs and alcohol.These were what are often called 'at-risk' youths. Yet through their young, and incredibly honest eyes I got to see some things. First I saw that we don't often give young people credit for being as wise as they are. Then I saw and heard that our young people see the problem with substances, and they know it is there. Even if it is their own problem.
And they are very smart. So when so many adults have alcohol problems and the world calls alcohol legal, our youth see that as odd. Apparently legalization has nothing to do with safety, they are quick to note. So then of course our youth can also argue 'why not drop the con about safety, and make every other unsafe drug legal too.' Let's not forget, the youths note, the adults were the ones that started this whole mess in the first place. So why is it on us to change it?
Parents, do you cry that your children are using alcohol and drugs? Are you upset that they sneak out to parties and steal beer from your refrigerators and Jack Daniels from your liquor cabinet. Here are two things you can do.
1) Stop whatever you do with alcohol and drugs that is not kosher (Get help if you need to.)
2) Start telling them the truth
"It's a do what I say, not what I do, world when it comes to alcohol and drugs. And it makes absolutely no sense."
If you admit that, at least your children can trust your word. Which is a good start for your family and the world.
And they are very smart. So when so many adults have alcohol problems and the world calls alcohol legal, our youth see that as odd. Apparently legalization has nothing to do with safety, they are quick to note. So then of course our youth can also argue 'why not drop the con about safety, and make every other unsafe drug legal too.' Let's not forget, the youths note, the adults were the ones that started this whole mess in the first place. So why is it on us to change it?
Parents, do you cry that your children are using alcohol and drugs? Are you upset that they sneak out to parties and steal beer from your refrigerators and Jack Daniels from your liquor cabinet. Here are two things you can do.
1) Stop whatever you do with alcohol and drugs that is not kosher (Get help if you need to.)
2) Start telling them the truth
"It's a do what I say, not what I do, world when it comes to alcohol and drugs. And it makes absolutely no sense."
If you admit that, at least your children can trust your word. Which is a good start for your family and the world.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
MacKenzie Phillips- Another Tragic Second Hand Addict
As far as I can tell, Mackenzie Phillips was a Second Hand Addict before she ever became an addict. In other words she was living as a young woman 'at the effect' of the drug addiction or abuse of other people. And who knows from whence her father's alleged abuse and violations came. Certainly the drugs warping his brain must have played a role. And perhaps he was also a child victim himself- as incest is known to be passed down in families.
Personally as a student of ontology, I would like to read Mackenzie's book to see if I can glean how her mind went from victim to addict; from rape and incest victim to consenting adult.
It was probably not a far journey. For the human brain can only embrace so much pain, fear, or violation before it begins to compensate, through an often convoluted mental process. Take a course called the Landmark Forum and you can see exactly how human beings go from violation and abuse to what we, who have never experienced this particular pain, might call 'twisted' thinking.
So Mackenzie's mind journey might look something like this. 'I am being raped, violated, demoralized, and sullied by the very people whom trust. I have no power here. I am all alone. And I can't tell anyone.( As time goes by) This is all I know of the pleasures of sex. In some ways it feels good. But how do I stop the bad feelings, the feelings of wrong and violation?... Ahhh. Here's a way. I will say is not a violation at all. I will believe it is not what it is. In fact, I will believe that I want this. I will believe that I like this. In fact, the truth is, I do want this. I do like this. And it feels good.'
And so Mackenzie probably traveled from victim to consenting adult- except she never truly had any choice in the matter. At the age of 18, if her story is shown to be true, the 'choice' was forced on her by the very person she trusted the most. And in that swirling world of conflicting emotions, with no-one to trust and without even a fully developed brain, the die was cast for the future, as well as for the present.
So now where might this still under-developed brain take in Mackenzie in her early twenties and on? She can't speak about this. The whole world will see it as shameful, dirty, and disgusting. She has convinced herself that she wants it. Ergo, she must also be shameful dirty and disgusting. A level of self-loathing sets in. So now it is necessary to kill the self-loathing. Enter Mackenzie the drug addict. One might note that MacKenzie picked the most addictive and shame based, hidden-in-dark-alleys drug in which to drown her conflicting emotions.
I don't know Mackenzie's reasons for writing her story now- Whether she just wants money or fame or whatever else. And frankly, I don't care. With a life such as she has had forced upon her, who could ever be expected to be thinking clearly. If you want to condemn Mackenzie, you might do well to consider the saying "Walk a Mile in My Shoes."
And as for me personally, I can only thank Mackenzie for bringing into the open what so many victims would like to speak about. I thank her for giving incest and rape survivors permission to exist on the planet with the rest of us, in open-ness, without fear. And I assert that we the laymen have no idea of the 'shameful' crime we commit when we shame Mackenzie even more than she has already been shamed.
I can't truly tell you the inner workings of Mackenzie's mind through all of her ordeals. But I can tell you this... her mind and the way it works was profoundly affected by those young experiences. And I hope and believe that some day Mackenzie will learn that so far in the swirl of Second Hand Addiction, violation, rape, and finally her own addiction, there has never been true choice, nor any sign of freely-chosen consent. And in point of fact, it will probably be a journey of many years before Mackenzie can truly make the kind of free choice, separate and apart from her past, that we all make every day, and that we think is normal.
Please comment on this topic, and also on my running questions...
How did you finally see that someone you loved had an alcohol or drug problem? What signs did you not see in the beginning, that you can now see in hindsight? What did you do to help your loved one and, even more importantly, what did you do to help yourself? What did your loved ones sickness do to you, the person that I call the Second Hand Addict and that therapists call codependent, as you were inhaling the toxic smoke of his or her unhealthy behavior and mindset?
Personally as a student of ontology, I would like to read Mackenzie's book to see if I can glean how her mind went from victim to addict; from rape and incest victim to consenting adult.
It was probably not a far journey. For the human brain can only embrace so much pain, fear, or violation before it begins to compensate, through an often convoluted mental process. Take a course called the Landmark Forum and you can see exactly how human beings go from violation and abuse to what we, who have never experienced this particular pain, might call 'twisted' thinking.
So Mackenzie's mind journey might look something like this. 'I am being raped, violated, demoralized, and sullied by the very people whom trust. I have no power here. I am all alone. And I can't tell anyone.( As time goes by) This is all I know of the pleasures of sex. In some ways it feels good. But how do I stop the bad feelings, the feelings of wrong and violation?... Ahhh. Here's a way. I will say is not a violation at all. I will believe it is not what it is. In fact, I will believe that I want this. I will believe that I like this. In fact, the truth is, I do want this. I do like this. And it feels good.'
And so Mackenzie probably traveled from victim to consenting adult- except she never truly had any choice in the matter. At the age of 18, if her story is shown to be true, the 'choice' was forced on her by the very person she trusted the most. And in that swirling world of conflicting emotions, with no-one to trust and without even a fully developed brain, the die was cast for the future, as well as for the present.
So now where might this still under-developed brain take in Mackenzie in her early twenties and on? She can't speak about this. The whole world will see it as shameful, dirty, and disgusting. She has convinced herself that she wants it. Ergo, she must also be shameful dirty and disgusting. A level of self-loathing sets in. So now it is necessary to kill the self-loathing. Enter Mackenzie the drug addict. One might note that MacKenzie picked the most addictive and shame based, hidden-in-dark-alleys drug in which to drown her conflicting emotions.
I don't know Mackenzie's reasons for writing her story now- Whether she just wants money or fame or whatever else. And frankly, I don't care. With a life such as she has had forced upon her, who could ever be expected to be thinking clearly. If you want to condemn Mackenzie, you might do well to consider the saying "Walk a Mile in My Shoes."
And as for me personally, I can only thank Mackenzie for bringing into the open what so many victims would like to speak about. I thank her for giving incest and rape survivors permission to exist on the planet with the rest of us, in open-ness, without fear. And I assert that we the laymen have no idea of the 'shameful' crime we commit when we shame Mackenzie even more than she has already been shamed.
I can't truly tell you the inner workings of Mackenzie's mind through all of her ordeals. But I can tell you this... her mind and the way it works was profoundly affected by those young experiences. And I hope and believe that some day Mackenzie will learn that so far in the swirl of Second Hand Addiction, violation, rape, and finally her own addiction, there has never been true choice, nor any sign of freely-chosen consent. And in point of fact, it will probably be a journey of many years before Mackenzie can truly make the kind of free choice, separate and apart from her past, that we all make every day, and that we think is normal.
Please comment on this topic, and also on my running questions...
How did you finally see that someone you loved had an alcohol or drug problem? What signs did you not see in the beginning, that you can now see in hindsight? What did you do to help your loved one and, even more importantly, what did you do to help yourself? What did your loved ones sickness do to you, the person that I call the Second Hand Addict and that therapists call codependent, as you were inhaling the toxic smoke of his or her unhealthy behavior and mindset?
Monday, September 21, 2009
In Memory of Naava Piatka- Living Life Fully, and Loving Her Life
I am taking a side jaunt in my writing today to write a memory of a truly special woman that I had the honor to know.
I first met Naava Piatka when I was in a course called The Wisdom Course. It was through a company called Landmark Education and the course was about having the highest form of Wisdom- Fun, Play, and Ease-in your life. The course required that we create 'playgroups.' And so Naava opened her home and provided heartfelt hospitality for her group. I was actually not in Naava's group. But the warmth she provided, as well as the inspiration I felt from her, had me come many times so that I begin to feel that this group was my second group- and I belonged fully.
I remember being in Naava's house and hearing about her one woman show,"BETTER DON'T TALK!" and thinking 'Wow, what an inspiration.' Clearly she was living her dreams, loving her life, and being successful at it. I felt humbled, for I, an actress and singer in my bones and soul, had never truly actualized on that potential.
Naava's show was about the life of her holocaust surviving/ actress mother. It was powerful and meaningful- so even more inspiring to me. In person Naava was a warm, generous, smiling presence- who emanated no sense of self-accolades or ego about what she did. And I remember, as a former art consultant, admiring the beautiful pieces of artwork on her walls and thinking, "Well, she must be financially successful to have such a largess of beautiful artwork." Whereupon I looked at the signatures to find out the artists' name, and noticed it was her own.
At which point I thought, "Is there anything this woman does NOT do- and do well?"
I read Naava's obituary yesterday and realized that I knew about 1/8 of all that she had done and accomplished in her time on this earth. And most of what she did was to the betterment or enlightenment of mankind. So that to me, Naava achieved the two very highest objectives one can achieve on this earth 1) to live your dreams, fulfill all of your potential, and love your life and 2) To help others to do the same.
Naava died of cancer a few days ago. She left behind the book that she had written in the last few months of life when she knew she was passing. It was the one undone thing on her 'bucket list' and so she did it. The book, called "NO GOODBYES", is a father daughter memoir about love, war, and resurrection, and you can get it at www.nogoodbyes.info You can also see her pictures, read more about her, and see clips of her work at www.naava.com
Goodbye, lovely Naava,and may your presence emanate from each of us that you touched, and each of us that you will touch. Let us, like you, fulfill on the same possibility of life...
And then pass it on to others.
I first met Naava Piatka when I was in a course called The Wisdom Course. It was through a company called Landmark Education and the course was about having the highest form of Wisdom- Fun, Play, and Ease-in your life. The course required that we create 'playgroups.' And so Naava opened her home and provided heartfelt hospitality for her group. I was actually not in Naava's group. But the warmth she provided, as well as the inspiration I felt from her, had me come many times so that I begin to feel that this group was my second group- and I belonged fully.
I remember being in Naava's house and hearing about her one woman show,"BETTER DON'T TALK!" and thinking 'Wow, what an inspiration.' Clearly she was living her dreams, loving her life, and being successful at it. I felt humbled, for I, an actress and singer in my bones and soul, had never truly actualized on that potential.
Naava's show was about the life of her holocaust surviving/ actress mother. It was powerful and meaningful- so even more inspiring to me. In person Naava was a warm, generous, smiling presence- who emanated no sense of self-accolades or ego about what she did. And I remember, as a former art consultant, admiring the beautiful pieces of artwork on her walls and thinking, "Well, she must be financially successful to have such a largess of beautiful artwork." Whereupon I looked at the signatures to find out the artists' name, and noticed it was her own.
At which point I thought, "Is there anything this woman does NOT do- and do well?"
I read Naava's obituary yesterday and realized that I knew about 1/8 of all that she had done and accomplished in her time on this earth. And most of what she did was to the betterment or enlightenment of mankind. So that to me, Naava achieved the two very highest objectives one can achieve on this earth 1) to live your dreams, fulfill all of your potential, and love your life and 2) To help others to do the same.
Naava died of cancer a few days ago. She left behind the book that she had written in the last few months of life when she knew she was passing. It was the one undone thing on her 'bucket list' and so she did it. The book, called "NO GOODBYES", is a father daughter memoir about love, war, and resurrection, and you can get it at www.nogoodbyes.info You can also see her pictures, read more about her, and see clips of her work at www.naava.com
Goodbye, lovely Naava,and may your presence emanate from each of us that you touched, and each of us that you will touch. Let us, like you, fulfill on the same possibility of life...
And then pass it on to others.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Pulling out of the Downslide- Second Hand Addiction
Second Hand Addicts or codependents often have a tendency to see themselves in a negative light. Where does this come from? Does it come from the addict dumping his baggage on his or her loved one? Or is it a prerequisite for loving an addict. An interlocking puzzle piece that helps you find, out of whole world of possibilities, the one person who will be Ying to your Yang. Or said another way- who will put you down, as you already to to yourself.
I tend to think it is a bit of both.
Yesterday, after working on a project and putting a lot of effort into it, I found out by general consensus that my idea was completely not going to work. Before I could wink, the abuser in my head came back saying things like "What are you stupid? Why can't you do this one thing? Will you ever figure this out. You're going to fail. You know you're going to fail." In the past I would have listened to this negative self-talk. I would have lost time, energy, and productivity. Fortunately, from many years of healing, I knew what to do yesterday. I talked about it a little. I shed a tear or two. I sought words of sanity from someone outside of my own head. (I did not speak to an addicted, or unhealthy person.) Then I got on with my life and put it behind me to start over.
This is what a Alanon, CODA, an addiction's therapist, and the Landmark Forum can do for you.(See my side bars for information/articles about them.)These growth and healing tools get you to a point where you are not driven by anything negative coming at you from the outside or the inside. They get you to a point where you know how to pull yourself out of the downslide, and back to the light. And you learn to do it quicker and quicker.
On another note, I am getting a dialogue going on these questions. How did you finally see that someone you loved had an alcohol or drug problem? What signs did you not see in the beginning, that you can now see in hindsight? What did you do to help your loved one and, even more importantly, what did you do to help yourself? What did your loved one's sickness do to you, the person that I call the Second Hand Addict, as you were inhaling the toxic smoke of his or her unhealthy behavior and mindset?
Please post your comments and experiences so we can take a look at this issue more closely, and understand it more fully. For those of you who are new to my blog I have 40+ articles in my side bar on my own experience of loving someone with an addiction, and my education about the disease, so please feel free to read them.
I tend to think it is a bit of both.
Yesterday, after working on a project and putting a lot of effort into it, I found out by general consensus that my idea was completely not going to work. Before I could wink, the abuser in my head came back saying things like "What are you stupid? Why can't you do this one thing? Will you ever figure this out. You're going to fail. You know you're going to fail." In the past I would have listened to this negative self-talk. I would have lost time, energy, and productivity. Fortunately, from many years of healing, I knew what to do yesterday. I talked about it a little. I shed a tear or two. I sought words of sanity from someone outside of my own head. (I did not speak to an addicted, or unhealthy person.) Then I got on with my life and put it behind me to start over.
This is what a Alanon, CODA, an addiction's therapist, and the Landmark Forum can do for you.(See my side bars for information/articles about them.)These growth and healing tools get you to a point where you are not driven by anything negative coming at you from the outside or the inside. They get you to a point where you know how to pull yourself out of the downslide, and back to the light. And you learn to do it quicker and quicker.
On another note, I am getting a dialogue going on these questions. How did you finally see that someone you loved had an alcohol or drug problem? What signs did you not see in the beginning, that you can now see in hindsight? What did you do to help your loved one and, even more importantly, what did you do to help yourself? What did your loved one's sickness do to you, the person that I call the Second Hand Addict, as you were inhaling the toxic smoke of his or her unhealthy behavior and mindset?
Please post your comments and experiences so we can take a look at this issue more closely, and understand it more fully. For those of you who are new to my blog I have 40+ articles in my side bar on my own experience of loving someone with an addiction, and my education about the disease, so please feel free to read them.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Change Yourself Before You Change The World
These are words written on the tomb of an Anglican bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey during the eleventh century.
“When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world.”
I post these words because they speak to the heart of the Alanon, the group that has been so powerful to Codependents/ Second Hand Addicts around the world. Indeed, these words speak the AA philosophy, the OA philosophy, and every known 12-step groups philosophy.
And they are not just words to be heard and to think, 'hmmmm what a nice idea, maybe I'll try it.' This concept of changing only yourself is actually life and death for many addicts and codependents alike. They fight the battle of a person-changing, disease against all odds of success. Addicts try to fruitlessly conquer alcohol, while codependents try to fruitlessly change addicts- killing themselves in the process. And what really works is when you stop fighting, and change yourself before you change the world.
A complex concept. but you can read more of my 40+ writings on Alanon,12 step programs, Codependency/Second Hand Addiction, and addiction in general through the links on my side bar.
I also invite you to read some of my other writings on other subjects. Here is an excerpt from my newest article on my hub, “On Spirituality, religion, and Creating Our World.”
http://www.squidoo.com/lensmaster/new_workshop/howtomanifestanythingyouwant
So let us take a better look at Jesus, since he was our role model as Christians. Jesus said that we, like him, are sons of GOD, and children of GOD. With this in mind, consider that Jesus was not teaching people that HE was special, and made in the image of and likeness God (which he was, of course)... but rather that we ALL are special, and made in the likeness of GOD. Consider that Jesus was saying that there is God in each of us. Now if that is true it follows that if Jesus can perform miracles, walk on water, feed the masses, etc, so can we all.
“When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed my self first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world.”
I post these words because they speak to the heart of the Alanon, the group that has been so powerful to Codependents/ Second Hand Addicts around the world. Indeed, these words speak the AA philosophy, the OA philosophy, and every known 12-step groups philosophy.
And they are not just words to be heard and to think, 'hmmmm what a nice idea, maybe I'll try it.' This concept of changing only yourself is actually life and death for many addicts and codependents alike. They fight the battle of a person-changing, disease against all odds of success. Addicts try to fruitlessly conquer alcohol, while codependents try to fruitlessly change addicts- killing themselves in the process. And what really works is when you stop fighting, and change yourself before you change the world.
A complex concept. but you can read more of my 40+ writings on Alanon,12 step programs, Codependency/Second Hand Addiction, and addiction in general through the links on my side bar.
I also invite you to read some of my other writings on other subjects. Here is an excerpt from my newest article on my hub, “On Spirituality, religion, and Creating Our World.”
http://www.squidoo.com/lensmaster/new_workshop/howtomanifestanythingyouwant
So let us take a better look at Jesus, since he was our role model as Christians. Jesus said that we, like him, are sons of GOD, and children of GOD. With this in mind, consider that Jesus was not teaching people that HE was special, and made in the image of and likeness God (which he was, of course)... but rather that we ALL are special, and made in the likeness of GOD. Consider that Jesus was saying that there is God in each of us. Now if that is true it follows that if Jesus can perform miracles, walk on water, feed the masses, etc, so can we all.
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